And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sittingOn the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,And the lamp-light o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floorShall be lifted—nevermore! – Edgar Allen Poe
Now, I’m sure I didn’t need to tell you that was Poe’s last verse of The Raven… however, this poem is what changed me. Okay, all of Poe’s work changed me. He was dark and even mysterious in his ways and this helped me be okay with my own darkness.
You see we all have demons we battle, here Poe is obviously battling the loss of Lenore and that demon was harsh on him. My battles are near similar and yet different enough to be my own unique ones.
I let my demons control me all my life… well up to about five years ago. Driving from Virginia to Georgia with my boys and all our belongings packed up in my van and U-Haul trailer I realized I had to make a change in me. I had to take control. I had to quit letting others control me. So as I crossed over the state line of the state I considered my one home I let it all go. I took in a breath and slowly released it and felt all my demons escape. I felt free for the very first time in my life. You see after 8 1/2 years I left my boyfriend and went home. Now over the next year and we (my boys and I) moved around a little – shuffling to get ourselves settled and after a bit we did just that.
I attribute the peace and joy that came later to me to the release of those demons. I called my devil and forgave him for all the things he did to me – physically and mentally. I told him I forgave him because I needed it, not because I believed he deserved it. I knew I had to let go. I had to release the anger, hate and darkness that surrounded me because of him. I then meditated and forgave my mother in the only way I felt I could. I don’t know where her soul sits for eternity but I felt her presence and let her know I forgave her.
Next, I took control. I stood up to everyone and anyone who said or did anything I didn’t want, like or care for. I walked away from those who tried to harness and control me. I threw away those who were poison to me. I embraced those who loved me and loved me for me, not the me they wanted me to be.
To the world that tried to conform me….
To those who tried to impress on me their beliefs…
To those who attempted to become my new demons…
I said to those… Nevermore!