Growing up we never consider a whole lot about how we are going to out achieve our parents, well not everyone. I always wanted to prove myself and do more than my parents, be more than my parents. With this as my mindset growing up, it overflowed into my adult life and having kids of my own. I wanted, dreamed, and expected all my children to want to be better than me, do better than me…achieve more than I have. Well, life has a funny way of doing what it wants and teaching you that YOU are NOT IN CHARGE. How? By putting your kids on paths you never expected or did your damnedest to prevent.
I grew up believing I was no good, that I wasn’t good enough…and other such things. I swore at an early age I’d do things my parents didn’t… like graduate high school and college. I did achieve both and so much more. I am living out my passions, living healthier, and hopefully making a better impact on my children than my parents did for me.
No need to tell you how hard it is to raise a child, much less children from more than one marriage…intertwining your life into those you have joined with while still being joined to those you left behind. Children are the ones who deal with it all… See more than we ever want…
I tried so hard to show all my children my love and desire for them to be successful in all they do, even the children I didn’t give birth too- cause they are still my kids. Did my children do better than me? Have they traveled a better road than me? Will they reach their fullest potential? No… That’s the largest lesson life has taught me! It’s not me who has to drive them down their paths, it’s them. I have to sit back and let them walk that road they chose to turn down.
As a mom, I have to tried to be the best supporter while giving the best and most real life advice I could. I coddle my kids to a point, I admit it… I also get very rough them. I will tell them exactly what I think at any given moment and that’s not always positive. I try to never lie to them (There was that time about the dog who didn’t really run away.) I try my best to give them the love and compassion I never got.
Have I been mom of the year this whole time? Hell no. I have, however, been the best mom I knew how in the very moment I was in. Do I have regrets? I’d be lying if I said no. Of course I do, I am human… Not all my choices were the best or wisest. Did I always put my children before me? No! At some moments in my life I had to be put first or I’d not be with them today!
As a mom I have learned that not all kids will be who I dreamt them of being, they will however be the best they can be in their moments at their time in their own ways.
To all my children…whether you are my biological so or not… Please know I love you and have tried so very hard to be a good mom to you all. I hope other parents out there sit back and think about what I’ve said. We are parents, we are to guide our children- but it is our children who must drive the path of their destiny.